finally a little break to document undoubtedly one of the best weekends of my entire life

wednesday, may 2nd

fishbowls before my 9am final! WHOOO

thursday, may 3rd

took my anatomy and physiology lab practical in the morning and did okay— argued some questions in office hours after getting the test back and got one point above the mean! whoohoo.  then had a wonderful and for once complete llambda reunion/birthday dinner.  then in the middle of this hot day (i was sweating as i was eating my pho in the humid restaurant), it started to hail large ice chunks!  the sound was so loud as all the ice chips were hitting the roof and windows.  after everything calmed down, we went to get delicious froyo.  zipped off to dance practice then the boyfriend finally arrived and we went to chill but ended up drinking and staying up later than anticipated

friday, may 4th

SLOPE DAY. woke up at 9am for the S12PE CRAWL and got to the first stop at around 9:45am. quickly downed a mimosa and ate a corn dog before being whisked off to the next stop for champagne, amazing rainbow jello shots, and jello in fruit!  more slope day pregaming at the third stop with soco limes then had to go to the house where alums and other greeks were well into their drinking. after a few goodbye tears, a shotgunned beer, and who knows what else i tried to make it to the last stop of the S12PE CRAWL.  the boyfriend and i went to starbucks and got a mocha cookie crumble frappuccino which he lost and a bottled mocha coffee which i… have no idea where it went or if i drank it.  i lost him when i went to get a chili cheese dog and somehow found him at the slope? no idea.  i thought i took a ten minute nap on the slope but apparently it was much longer.  i heard a few neon tree songs and more of taio cruz amidst the typical pushing and slipping around in the mud crowd— but the whole concert experience went by so fast!  besides my greeks, i barely saw anyone else.  afterwards we made our way to the post-slope barbecue which was somewhat of a fail (1+ hour to start the grill, very slow grilling thereafter).  but then our sorority charters came and it was such an honor to get to meet them and talk to them for so long.  more froyo after the “bbq” (btw this is the very moment i realized i like mustard now) and a tour of the house before finally getting home.  avengers in 3d at night to bring in my birthday!  one of the best action movies i’ve ever seen

saturday, may 5th

BIRTHDAY/15YEAR.  woke up to perfect birthday presents and got a tiara and birthday ribbon to wear around like a little princess then paraded off to taste of thai for my favorite thick noodle dishes and the fried banana with honey birthday treat.  also picked up a stack of free comics along the way because it was free comic book day!  then went to ctb for some outdoor sangria and got a fruit tart!  then we went to bellwether to try some hard ciders since jason had his car.  the hard cider tasting turned into a mini wine tour as we went to two other wineries and even picked up all the little food samples for the wine trail ticket holders.  3 hard cider, 3 blueberry, and 7 wine tastings plus fudge, cheddar, tomato chicken, and a strawberry-rhubarb bar later (all for a grand total of $5 per person), we drove back home to get ready for the 15 Year formal.  we arrived late but still caught the end of the cocktail hour to snap some pictures and admire every class banner.

my superlative: most spirited…in everything.  hooray. it wasn’t the superlative i thought i was going to get (most likely to be in canada at any given moment) but i like this one better!  dinner was delicious especially with the wines from the open bar.  alumnae donated $1500 to the chapter, strolled, and gave a wonderful speech about the founding of our chapter.  i said a blubbering thank you instead of the elaborate heartfelt senior speech i wanted to give.  and just like that it was all over.  afterparty at level b and late night apollos then the two days i was looking forward to this whole semester were over.

sunday, may 6th

went to toronto to keep my boyfriend driving company on a whim.  walked around a mall while he taught tkd class and then we went to stuff ourselves with korean bbq! then we drove back to ithaca the same day.

the most amazing few days of my life.  definitely jam packed with good company, great activities, and so much joy.

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faith, emily. faith.

love-conquers-everythingx3:

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little ruts turning into slumps.  feeling like i’m slowly losing everything and will have nothing as my time at cornell runs out… feeling like i’ve made so many wrong decisions and continue to.  can’t change the past but i can change the present.  i’m going to stay focused, spend more time with friends, and do more undergrad cornell things while i still can.  NO MORE BEING M.I.A.  NO MORE NOT DOING THINGS CUZ I FEEL POOR.  NO MORE BEING ANTISOCIAL AND LAZY AND HERMITTYHOMEBODY.

(Source: peace-love-weightloss)

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as i’m slightly looking more in pa requirements, i’m starting to realize it’s not as easy as i think it’s going to be.  and it’s by far not just what a failed pre-meddie is settling for.  i thought it’d be a good back-up plan to my original medschool->pediatrician dreams.  i thought it’d be the perfect solution to not being old and thirty by the time i start to make money instead of dole it out to expensive schools for another 4+ years.  but alas i think i’ll be around that age by the time i graduate from a pa program.

today my friend summed up my gut feeling and thoughts about med school: some people are just not cut out for certain things.  some people aren’t fit for business; some aren’t fit to be engineers; heck, some aren’t fit to be waitresses.  she helped me realize there’s no shame in admitting that i’m just not cut out for med school.  so you know what, i’m not cut out for med school.  i can’t study like that and focus and plow through.  i don’t want to.

i’ve been pretty set on not following that route anymore and have been much more interested in a pa program, but half the time, when i tell people about it, they tell me to just go to med school.  there are a set number of reasons that i’ve heard repeatedly:

1. you’re cutting your options short

2. you’re going to be working under someone - for someone - for the rest of your career

3. you’re overqualified

4. if you’re pursuing such a similar occupation, you might as well just go the whole nine yards and go to med school

thank you, i’m flattered. i really am. but tbh, i’m getting tired of this.  i have my reasons for not wanting to do it.  so i went to cornell “for nothing.”  i could have went to a uc, saved tens and thousands of dollars, and just went to a pa program.  as the famous saying goes, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.  i would never have gotten here if it hadn’t been for all the decisions i’ve mad- both good and bad.  yes, my priorities are not in the right place and my grades are atrocious.  but i’m finally learning to bounce back and be proactive about it.  i’m starting to get a clearer picture of what i want to do instead of feeling pressured by everyone’s opinions and accomplishments.  as a testament to this statement, i have a new set of more concrete mini-goals! 

- continue researching pa program requirements

- search for and secure a paid hands-on/clinical/patient interaction job

— work for a year or two (sigh, thought i’d only have to take like one gap year…)

— accumulate hopefully 2000 paid hours or more

- retake organic chemistry (fml. thought i was done with this forever. i guess i deserve this) edit: orgo isn’t a prerequisite course, WHOOHOO!

- take microbiology + lab (and sociology/humanities?)

- make some money!

- study/teach abroad in china (apply for my dream program for august-january (also gotta figure out how to continue getting hands-on experience/keep whatever volunteer/job i would have secured for this summer))

— application deadline: May 1

i no longer feel like i’m constantly flip-flopping but that i’m starting to work towards a more certain future.  let’s hope i don’t get derailed again.  determination, thanks for coming back!  thick skin, heart, and brains - stay focused on what you want and don’t be afraid to take a path less trodden.  just because it’s not as great, prestigious, or well-paying as others’ seemingly glamorous life and future, it’s what you want.